


glory to the goddess

by chidorinnn



Category: Shin Megami Tensei Series, 真女神転生IV | Shin Megami Tensei IV
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, golden ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 22:45:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3827752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chidorinnn/pseuds/chidorinnn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where you find a perfect balance between order and chaos, your comrades stay by your side. Golden Ending AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	glory to the goddess

**Author's Note:**

> So I got a little too attached to Walter and Jonathan when playing the game. I don't think that was supposed to happen?
> 
> I also imagined a female protagonist as I was writing this (because why not?), but I left it gender-neutral anyway.

You’re back in Kiccigiorgi Forest – except it’s not Kiccigiorgi. Not really. White mist blankets everything, and there’s a heaviness in the air far more pervasive than what was there the night your home village burned to the ground. There’s no one around you, but you can’t shake off the feeling that you’re not alone, that something’s watching you. When you have Burroughs scan the area, an error message pops up on your gauntlet’s screen. 

And then, familiar voices echo in the distance, completely filling your ears as you focus on them. They squabble, spouting the same arguments that they’ve been throwing at each other for what feels like an eternity. 

“That’s  _enough_!”

It’s the first words you’ve said to them in a long time. They both stop and turn toward you. “Oh, thank the heavens,” Jonathan says with a gentle smile.

“So you’ve made it to this world as well!” Walter enthuses.

You hope this momentary peace between them lasts at least until you reunite with Isabeau. 

“Although…” Jonathan says slowly. “What is this place? Another trick of the White, perhaps?”

“Well they  _did_  keep nattering on about turning the world to naught or some such…” Walter muttered. “So I told them that I’ll destroy the way things are now.”

“Strange… They said the same to me as well, but I told them that I would preserve the status quo.”

You don’t remember what exactly you said to the White when they suggested the same to you – it feels like a whole lifetime away.

“We need to leave this place,” you whisper. You can barely hear your own voice, even through the deafening silence of the forest.

“I suppose we should count ourselves lucky,” Jonathan said, looking uneasily to Walter, “for finding each other in a place such as this.”

“Agreed,” Walter says, avoiding both your gazes and fixing his eyes on the ground. “It’s better than no company at all.”

“The law of God and the temptation of demons, clashing still…” a familiar voice says. It’s as if the voice surrounds you, rather than coming from a single source. “A vicious cycle, if I’ve ever seen one. Like a serpent eating its own tail… Though perhaps, this is a spiral, rather than an endless loop.”

Forgetting their feud, Walter and Jonathan immediately jump into action in front of you. “Who goes there?” Walter yells into the mist.

“Reveal yourself!” Jonathan demands.

A familiar man in a red suit materializes in front of you, as if from nowhere. “You…”

“Burroughs,” he says, “perhaps you’d like to explain?”

Your gauntlet beeps. “The choices my master made follow the same problem as from the past, but… something is different.”

Stephen smiles, and his glasses gleam in a way that obscures his eyes. “Then perhaps we should proceed as planned, regardless of the circumstances.”

“What circumstances?” Jonathan interjects.

“Oi, Jonathan…” Walter says slowly. “I think he’s talking about us.”

Stephen looks directly to you. “You must return to your home world and revive the goddess of Tokyo. I will help you with that.”

“Goddess of Tokyo?” Jonathan echoes. “I’ve never heard of any such goddess.”

“To return to our home world… and revive this goddess of Tokyo as well… we’ll need to escape this place,” Walter says. “Do you know something?”

“This is the Expanse,” Stephen explains, “a realm made by the thoughts of humanity. The Whites are mere aggregates of thought, and this is their home.”

“If the White truly control this realm…” Jonathan says.

“Then we need to vanquish them to escape?” Walter finishes.

Stephen nods. “Correct. There are four within this forest. If you defeat them, you will break their hold on this place.”

“I’ll register that as a new quest on the list,” Burroughs chirps.

Before you or your companions can ask any more questions, Stephen disappears into the mist.

“Damnation,” Walter mutters. “His instructions couldn’t be more vague.”

“Perhaps he’s deceiving us?” Jonathan quips. “He wouldn’t be the first one to do so. And… goddess of Tokyo? It has to be a farce.”

“So, anything that doesn’t perfectly align with  _your_  god must be a farce?”

“I said no such thing–”

“Perhaps you’d like to–”

“That’s  _enough_!” you say, not for the first time. Jonathan and Walter both fall silent at your outburst, and for once, you’re grateful for the silence. “Let’s focus on defeating the White for now. We can deal with escaping afterward.”

They look to each other. Walter shrugs, and Jonathan sighs. “Very well,” they say simultaneously, in complete agreement for the first time in a very long time, as the three of you set off.

The forest looks too similar to Kiccigiorgi Forest in your mind, but it’s probably because that’s the only forest you know – and if Walter and Jonathan remain silent for much longer, then Issachar’s screams in your mind will eclipse everything else. You can feel Walter and Jonathan’s eyes on you – probably because they anticipate another outburst from you, if they start arguing again. 

The first of the White that you see bears the face of a woman you do not recognize – though her eyes are blank, devoid of emotion. Jonathan gives a strangled gasp as he stops dead in his tracks, his hands shaking at his sides. “B-Beth?” he stammers. “What are you… How could you be…”

“Our children who chose order, chaos, and neutrality,” the figure before you says in a voice that is both human and not, “if you will not willingly choose nothingness, then I will unmake you.”

“Beth, please,” Jonathan begs. The person whose form the White bears has the same eyes as Jonathan, and her face is shaped similarly. “Why are you doing this? Don’t you realize that we must–” Walter casts a spell on the White, and the figure screams in a way that makes Jonathan flinch. “Walter! For just one second, can you not–”

“This is not whoever you think it is,” Walter says calmly as he unsheathes his sword. “’Tis a trick of the White’s, to make us lose sight of our objective.”

“I will not raise a sword against my own sister!”

“Then I will. And didn’t I just say that this is not your sister?”

When you summon your demons, you send them to Jonathan’s side. Walter follows your example, leaving the two of you to deal with the White on your own. It’s Walter that lands the final blow, and light sparks from the center of the figure in front of you. “Humans…” it says in a voice that sounds less like the woman it’s impersonating, “… can never escape the karma of desire. Humans and desires… are no different than demons… They are all… beyond redemption…”

The figure disintegrates before you in a final burst of light. When all is said and done, when you recall your demons, Jonathan stands in the same position he was in when the battle first began, with the same expression of shock and disbelief smeared across his face. Walter approaches him hesitantly, his arm hovering near Jonathan’s shoulder. “Hoy, Jonathan…”

“Looks like the quest is going well,” Burroughs chirps from your gauntlet.

“That was…” Jonathan mumbles. His face is utterly pale, and his eyes are wide. “Beth… she couldn’t… that wasn’t…”

“That was not your sister,” Walter says more gently. “’Twas a foul deception by the White, to convince you to choose nothingness.”

Jonathan stares at his feet. “She said… that humans cannot escape the karma of desire,” he says slowly. “Is that why that world we saw, with Kiyoharu…?”

Walter sighs. “While this world is but a deception, I do believe those worlds the White showed us were real.”

“So the humans in that world could not escape their karma of desire… and they paid the ultimate price for it…” Jonathan falls silent at that, his expression contemplative.

“We’d best keep moving,” you say quietly. “There are still three more of the White we need to defeat.”

The journey to your next opponent is a much shorter one, and Walter and Jonathan remain just as silent for its duration as they did for the previous journey.

The form the White takes this time is that of a man you don’t recognize – a man with dark hair jutting out in different directions and frown lines prominent on his forehead, a fisherman’s net slung over his shoulder and his shirt open much like Walter’s is. “Our children who chose order, chaos, and neutrality,” it says in a voice that is both human and not, “your actions are abominable.”

“F-Father?” Walter splutters behind you. “What are you–”

“No matter how you struggle,” the White continues, “your pain will never be healed.”

“That’s enough, Father!” Walter shouts.

“Walter, calm down,” Jonathan urges him quietly. “’Tis a trick of the White’s, just as before.”

“Then I will teach you the splendor of nonexistence,” says the White – not Walter’s father, just as it wasn’t Jonathan’s sister before. It’s Jonathan that fights by your side this time, and you both summon your demons to Walter’s side to protect him.

It’s Jonathan that lands the final blow, and light sparks from the center of the figure in front of you. “A world betrayed by its faith in God…” the figure before you says in a voice that sounds less like the person it’s embodying. “A world that rejects God and drowns in anarchy… At the dead-end of possibility, what else greets you besides despair? It is… beyond redemption…”

The figure before you disintegrates in a burst of light, and you and Jonathan recall your demons. “Walter, are you all right?” Jonathan asks. “Perhaps you should sit down and rest…”

“I’m fine,” Walter huffs, almost gasps, as he shrugs off the hand Jonathan lays on his shoulder. Jonathan flinches, and his expression settles into that familiar mixture of pain and disappointment. “What the White just said…” Walter continues. “Both those worlds were devastated, whether or not they accepted God. If it’s not with God or the demons, then who has the answer…?”

Jonathan sighs quietly. “I don’t know anymore… Maybe I never really did.”

“Well, all we can do is fight what is left of the White and hope for more answers,” Walter says briskly as he claps Jonathan on the shoulder. Jonathan startles at the contact, and Walter grins. “If there’s one thing we  _do_  know, it’s that nothingness is not the answer.”

The smile Jonathan gives Walter is brighter than the sun. “Agreed.”

“Looks like the quest is going well,” Burroughs chirps from your gauntlet, and you can’t help but laugh.

The journey to your next opponent isn’t quite as silent as the previous two journeys, and your companions settle back into a sort of lighthearted banter that hasn’t been there since before Lilith, before Tokyo. The only thing missing is Isabeau, chiming in with quips of her own to keep the two of them in line.

And the next thing you see  _does_  turn out to be Isabeau – but everything about her is white, and her eyes are just as blank and devoid of emotion as the previous two of the White that you faced. “Our children who chose order, chaos, and neutrality,” the figure before you says in a voice that is both Isabeau’s and not, “do you still not understand?”

“Hoy, Isabeau–” Walter starts.

“That is not Isabeau,” Jonathan says calmly.

“Your rejection of our salvation is the cause of your suffering,” the White continues. “And now, we must prepare for the coming of a new Messiah.”

For the first time in what feels like an eternity, you fight together without any underlying hostility, without any of the tension that was so pervasive in the two worlds you visited before. Somehow, even though there are three of you and all of your demons fighting, the battle drags out for longer than the previous two. 

It’s you that lands the final blow this time, and you have to remind yourself that it’s not Isabeau that stands before you as light sparks from the center of the figure’s chest. “We humans with demonic tendencies created a ‘god’ for the sake of our own convenience…” it says in a voice that sounds less like Isabeau’s. “Do you honestly believe that such a weak existence can carry on living in this quagmire of order and chaos? It is… beyond redemption…”

You feel nothing as the figure disintegrates before you – and when all is said and done, the deafening silence returns.

“Walter…” Jonathan says after a long pause. “If order is not the answer and chaos is not the answer, then is neutrality?”

Walter exhales sharply. “One extreme led to the first world we visited. The other extreme led to the second world we visited.”

“The first world, the one that God destroyed… The Akira of that world said that he would try to coexist peacefully with demons. He said that they needed passion to survive, rather than empty words. And the Akira of the second world, the one that rejected God… he wanted to establish rules that would allow everyone, the strong and the weak, to live in equality…”

“So the Akira of the world that chose to preserve the status quo wished for chaos… and the Akira of the world that chose destruction wished for order…”

“Then… neutrality really is our best option,” Jonathan concludes, “if we do not wish to repeat those worlds’ mistakes.”

Walter nods. “Agreed.”

“Looks like the quest is going well,” Burroughs chimes in from your gauntlet.

“We only have to defeat one more of the White,” Walter says. “And then we can escape.”

“If that man was telling the truth in the first place,” Jonathan adds.

“Let’s go,” you say quietly. 

The form that the last of the White takes is too familiar to you – and isn’t it fitting? Because you’ve already fought someone close to Jonathan, someone close to Walter, and someone close to all three of you, so it’s only natural that the last would be close to you specifically. 

But that doesn’t make it any easier as you gaze upon Issachar – not Issachar, you tell yourself, but the words you keep repeating to yourself do nothing – for the first time since his death. It’s not the face of a demon that stars back at you – it’s the face of your friend who always smiled sheepishly when he had to bait your fish hooks for you because you couldn’t do so yourself. It’s the face of your friend who’d carry you back to your parents’ home whenever you fell, whether you’d injured yourself or not. It’s the face of your friend who’d hold your hand whenever you were too ill to leave your bed.

“Our children who chose order, chaos, and neutrality,” says Issachar, and his voice cuts you like a knife to the chest. It’s only now that you notice the tear stains running down his cheeks. “It is our fate to endlessly repeat the same mistakes.” He looks directly to you, as if knowing exactly who to target. “What other salvation can there be than returning everything to naught?”

“I’m sorry,” you say before you can stop yourself. You don’t hear Walter and Jonathan crying out in protest next to you, because all you can see, think, and hear is Issachar standing in front of you, as if he’d never left, as if he’d never turned into a demon, as if you’d never had to strike him down. And for the first time, you feel a pang of regret for not listening to the White, for not following their suggestion – because wouldn’t nothingness be easier to face?

And then, Walter and Jonathan’s demons form a protective barrier between you and Issachar. Walter and Jonathan lead the assault, though when they cast spells and slash their swords at your friend, it’s nothing like how it was the night Kiccigiorgi burned down, with that somber heaviness blanketing everything. All that’s there now is emptiness.

“Tell me this,” says Issachar – no, not Issachar, you tell yourself, and you feel like you can actually believe it now. “What does your precious world hold that is worth protecting? What do you gain by walking the path of neutrality?”

“Because a world that relies entirely on God’s order will crumble under His weight,” says Jonathan.

“Because a world overrun with the chaos of demons will tear itself apart,” says Walter.

“So we must find a balance,” both say simultaneously.

“And you think this is an acceptable solution?” not-Issachar asks your companions.

“It is the  _only_  solution,” Walter answers.

“The only solution that will benefit the people themselves,” Jonathan adds. “I do not yet know what that balance is, but I will not rest until I find it!”

“Nor will I!” says Walter.

“It’s truly a pity,” says the White, “that after seeing the destruction of such worlds, you still will not take our cause.”

“Scanning,” says Burroughs from your gauntlet. “Excuses, unjustified resentment, self-justification, a rash desire to negate oneself… I don’t see any good reason to join their cause.”

“Well said, Burroughs,” says Jonathan.

“Couldn’t have put it better myself,” says Walter.

They both plunge their swords into the last form of the White together. It’s still Issachar’s face that stares back at you, but now all you can see is the White. “Where… is our salvation?” And then, it’s only Issachar’s voice that you hear. “Why… must  _we_  be made to suffer… for the conflict between God and demons?”

Issachar’s form disintegrates in a burst of light. As Walter and Jonathan recall their demons, you sink to your knees.

Walter crouches before you, laying his hand on your right shoulder. “Hey…”

Jonathan crouches down next to him and lays his hand on your left shoulder. “Are you all right?”

When you slump into them, they have to wrap their arms around you to keep from falling back themselves. “I won’t fight my friends again,” you whisper shakily. “I won’t.”

“Congratulations on completing the quest,” Burroughs says from your gauntlet. Jonathan and Walter say nothing, but their grip on you tightens ever so slightly.

You don’t know how long the three of you stay like that, simply holding onto each other, but when you finally regain your bearings and look to your surroundings, you no longer see white mist blanketing everything. Stephen’s chair is parked a little ways in front of you, and the man wears a gentle smile. “Ah, you’ve done well.”

Walter startles, spinning around to face him. “It’s you!”

“Will you tell us how to return to our home world?” Jonathan asks.

“Yes,” Stephen answers. “The White’s influence seems to be gone for now.”

Jonathan sighs in relief. “So you  _were_  telling the truth…”

Stephen nods. “Indeed. Though I should warn you… though the people of your world yearn for joy of affection, they will most likely find only more pain and sadness.”

“And I suppose this is where this… goddess of Tokyo comes in?” Walter asks.

Stephen nods. “Correct. This girl you’ve met before – she must have appeared as little more than a small child to you – she is Tokyo itself. There was once a hero who answered her cries and protected Tokyo… but in the process, the people were divided in two. In order to return the goddess to her true form, you must remove the dome which separates the people.”

“So…” Jonathan muses. “If every world has a hero, a Kiyoharu, a Kenji, and an Akira… then our world’s hero rejected the proposals of Kiyoharu and Kenji, but Akira still established the Eastern Kingdom of Mikado.”

Stephen looks directly to you. “You must return to normal the world your past life protected. I’m sure that the dome which covers Tokyo will heed your voice… or, should I say, Masakado – the guardian deity of Tokyo.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand…” Walter says slowly.

Stephen chuckles. “All will be made clear in due time. It’s time for you to return to your original world.” He reclines in his chair. “I’ll leave the rest to you, Burroughs.”

“Okay, Doctor.”

As everything around you fades, you cling to Walter and Jonathan in hopes that you won’t be separated again.


End file.
